At one point several years ago, all the cool kids were keeping journals. So I decided to try it out. It did not go very well. You see, when I later tried to read back over the diary entries I could barely do it. Gag reflex kicked in. Literally. I did not actually vomit but I was not far from it. Admittedly this was during my teens, so a degree of self-hatred is to be expected. In this case, however, I was revolted enough to stop the diary keeping.
Then, not too long ago, something happened which strengthened my stomach. I was reminiscing with a friend and was appalled by some of the memories that she had of me. She very patiently waited for me to finish apologising and then said, "Aimee ... you did your best at the time with the knowledge you had." Mind-blowing.
This is something I have never forgotten, and I'm sure I will continue to repeat it to myself over and over again. Not only is it a comfort for my future self, but it is also reassuring for when I am in the middle of making a very difficult decision.
I guess it's important to remember that we have the advantage of hindsight when we're looking back. We have learned things we did not know at the time, and we got to see how events played out after our decision(s). If we had to do it all over again, we'd probably do exactly the same thing because, with our current knowledge, that is our best choice.
So thank you, Abi, not only for your sage advice but also for the kindness with which you shaped your perspective of our mutual past.
